Day 22 - Food reduced to money (Thurs.)

couple sips of coffee with powdered creamer, real sugar - 50
i stopped at the gas station this morning and wanted to buy a yummy coffee, but after my binge yesterday (both calories and money) i decided against it. the office coffee wasn't cutting it though. i threw it away after a couple sips.

apple pear - 100
last one in the fridge. i'll have to move on to normal apples.

like i've said before, food/alcohol and money are so closely related in my mind. my self worth depends on one or both a lot of the time. they associate closely with guilt and pleasure in my mind.

eating food = spending money = indulgence = no willpower = disappointment
not eating = saving money = empowerment = no enjoyment = disappointment
no matter what = disappointment

i ration both food and money.
but sometimes i throw out all the rules and spend or binge.

eating food and spending money feels great while you're doing it.
then comes the crash of your next credit card bill or pants feeling too tight.

nobody likes a tightwad but everyone loves skinny people.
nobody likes a fatty but everyone loves a high roller.

never spending money and never eating is impossible.
life would be easier, but a lot less fun, if it was possible.

healthier food is more expensive.

1 greek yogurt with blueberries - 200

for someone who says money isn't the most important thing, man, do i think about it a lot. almost as much as i think about food. like, what if nick's pilot gets picked up and all of a sudden he's making more money than he ever has before? i don't even know how i'd handle that. i almost don't want it to happen on a large because of the stress that goes with having money and fame. so dumb. i guess i'm never happy no matter what. it's also really funny that this potential source of money essentially comes from food and alcohol. nick's food and david's alcohol.

wendy's small chili with one packet of saltines - 250
so back when i was going to Curves (i've pretty much tried every excersize and diet trend out there) there was this little article taped on one of the machines about the best fast foods to eat. the one that has always stuck with me was wendy's chili. when i'm watching what i eat i feel like i'm always eating sweet stuff - yogurt, fruit, oatmeal, etc. - and chili, well, that's salty, savory goodness. however, that's not the best part. nope. the best part is that it's $1.59 for a small. that's it. $1.69 with tax. so somehow, in this universe of you-get-one-or-the-other, somehow, there's both. just this once. a cheap, good for you fast food meal. holy crap.

so it's good that i had a relatively pious day at work, because the taping was basically a food fest (not surprising at all). i actually have no idea how many calories, but here are my best guesses...

10 square pieces dominoes thin crust - 1000
5 arcadia beers (assorted) - 1000
1 chicken wing - 200
5 coconut macaroons - 700
6 pieces french bread with spinach dip - 500
10 pretzels - 200

probably, realistically:
4200 total-ish.