Apple Pear - 100
yum. i've decided i REALLY like these. i'm so glad i brought a healthy breakfast. if i do this everyday, i'll be in great shape.
good start!
custard filled dunkin donuts donut - 300
omg. 300 effing calories. omg. really? it must be some sort of law of nature that every time i actually bring myself a healthy breakfast (of apple pear) someone ruins it. and i have no willpower at all, so of course i said, sure Rob, i'd like one of those donuts, thanks. i suck. god i suck.
Will power is such an issue for me lately. Back in the day when I had complete control of my eating habits I had literally convinced myself that food was nothing more than something that tasted good. I actually started to believe that my cravings for food were only a mental, unnecessary desire for something to taste or something to chew on. sometimes i could lick something or chew it and spit it out or only eat one bite and, since i'd tasted it, i'd make myself believe that was all i needed.
coffee with powdered creamer and real sugar - 100
i'm back to real. that's a good thing i think. i wish i could just drink coffee black.
3 oz broiled catfish - 200?
a few bites of spaghetti squash with marinara - 200?
then it all fell apart again! :( leftover pizza from a meeting. couldn't turn it down...
2 pieces pepperoni pizza - 400?
salad with lots of meat and cheese with italian dressing - 300?
damn damn damn. instead of going to Magdi's tonight and eating all the indulgent food they'll be serving, i should work out. i SHOULD. i prolly won't. today is a bad day. i have no willpower. as usual.
2 donut holes, chocolate glazed - 200?
oh, ef it, my brain is saying. screw it. it's friday. friday's the weekend and yay to bad food and drink down the gullet on the weekend. rejoice! enjoy! quit berating yourself and JUST DON'T CARE! it's the weekend, even if it is early on a friday. i sure has hell won't be watching what i eat tonight. so, ef it!
whew, my brain thinks. at least consciously. then there's that little twinge at the back trying to break through, screaming, from far far away, no, no! but i can hardly hear you, twinge at the back. you're drowned out by all the sugar and caffiene and calories churning around in my gut. shush. i'm gonna enjoy my friday - my WEEKEND - and drink down this diet dr. pepper.
diet dr. pepper - 0
whew, my brain thinks.
ok, so for the second time in a row, i showed up somewhere on the wrong day. what the hell? well, actually, it was the host's fault. he WROTE friday even though the title (that i couldn't read on my droid facebook app) mentioned sat. totally not something i'm holding against him. i guess his cousin just died and he's been - understandably - scatterbrained. so anyway, because i showed up to a dinner party a day early, i needed a backup plan. i'm totally not calling Ryan a backup plan, but i wouldn't have called him last night if i hadn't found myself planless. i'm REALLY glad i was planless. i missed Ryan. and i think we both did each other a little good because he was depressed and i needed to get out of the house. plus that, he's SUCH a good friend that when i mentioned that i couldn't really afford an expensive dinner, he wanted to go anyway and paid for everything. when money and food don't affect each other, it does something really positive in my brain. so.
2 bell's winter whites - 400?
in my Dino's mug. yay Strawberry Carrie!
beef brisket with mashed potatoes - 800?
AMAZING mac n cheese - 400?
then Ryan had to head home. he had to work early in the morning. nick got home and we shared the bottle of wine that i was going to bring to the dinner party. now i have to get another one.
3 glasses shiraz - 400?
didn't i say i was gonna go balls out after that pizza? yup.
so holy crap:
3800 total-ish??? SICK. completely nasty. i'm a ball of fat.
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