coffee with powdered creamer and real sugar - 100
tastes like crap this morning. i think it's a mental thing.
tonight i have an appointment with the therapist... maybe i should print this whole experiment out. we'll see.
i feel like drinking water is such a chore. it's like an item on my to-do list that i can never cross off. and i LOVE to cross stuff off my to-do list. no matter what, i'm always going to have to drink more. every day, day after day. and i don't like it to begin with.
1 20 oz bottle of water
1 can diet doctor pepper
i knew i should drink more water, but i couldn't do it.
1 grilled chicken salad with cheese and egg - 400?
1/2 pita - 200?
1/4 granola bar - 50
nutrition and the "baby thing" is really weighing on me. this shit is hard enough without adding "nutrition for two" into the mix. god, i have a pre-baby brain. yikes.
according to yesterday's calculations, i shouldn't eat tonight, but i know that's not going to happen...
therapy... self loathing?
actually REALLY hungry while i was sitting there.
taco salad (romaine, turkey burger, salsa, vinagrette, crumbled corn chips) - 400?
i didn't eat most of the chips, just a few. i figured that had to be the unhealthiest part of the meal.
glass of milk - 100
glass of wine - 200?
granola - 600?
dammit. why did i do it? i couldn't stop. i was only going to have a handful. nick said, hey, i bought granola today, and i got all excited. i figured i would only have a little and put it back. i should have poured a small amount in a bowl or something... :( eating cereal-type stuff out of a box is totally a trigger for binging. only i really don't purge anymore, so it's worse. for purging the best combo is a ton of dry cereal and then some ice cream type substance to top it off.
god. that killed my whole day.
2000 total-ish. bad day.
oh, but nick bought spaghetti squash! i didn't even ask him to! hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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