Day 18 - the stuff that grows in your body (Sun.)

apple pear - 100?

chicory coffee with skim and syrup - 100?

hamburger helper - 400?
prolly would have kept eating, but i needed to jump in the shower and run errands - pick up luggage and tv from julie, take back the industrial propane heater to home depot, turn in my living social coupon to bikram...

holy crap, then things exploded.

3 micro brews - 500?

cup of diet coke - 0

bowl of smart start - 200?

turkey and scalloped potatoes - 400?
leftovers from nick's work

4 mini peanut butter cups - 200?

cake batter and frosting - 500?
working on the porter cake for the pilot episode

all this stuff makes me remember when i went to the doctor a long time ago (high school?) because of chronic fatigue and depression. the docs wanted to put me on paxil and other fun (sarcasm) drugs. however, one of the holistic ideas they had for me was taking acidophilis. of course, no one can ever know if they're simply succumbing to the placebo effect, but it worked. i THINK it worked at least a little bit.

that prompted extensive research on candidia and other issues with the "things that are, and are not, supposed to grow in your body." (yes, i research EVERYTHING to a fault.) this same curiosity-slash-morbid-obsession with all-things-facts later prompted me to do the Master Cleanse a couple years ago. it was totally crazy, and a part of me recognized that, but like any other off the wall scheme by an ED plagued person, it made sense. and the more i did it, the more i felt that i had to KEEP doing it. i was seeing results (in LOTS of ways, yikes) and i didn't want to "fail." but living on lemon juice, water, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and mint tea only lasted so long. what stayed with me was the sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

therefore, i've developed this strong belief in cleansing your system. even though there is just as much info out there that tells me it's bad for me. the jury's still out. i DID lose 20 pounds in 2 weeks. i mean, pants falling off weight loss. but the nay-sayers are sure that it's all water weight and nothing left in your gut. however, the mystery of what the hell is the solid-ish stuff still coming out of your body after two weeks of "lemonade" is still pretty relevant.

the stuff that grows in my body is actually a PERFECT analogy for my issues with food and excess in general:

there are lots of ways to kill of the "good" bacterias in your system. and other organisms can get out of wack too. you don't want to overdo antibiotics, cause it can mess you up, but you don't want the negative bacteria to thrive either. and overgrowths of yeasts/fungi can really affect your health. so, the key is moderation. that thing that i'm so very bad at.

it makes sense that these little creatures can affect your health - including mental health. it makes sense that someone with an eating disorder will be affected physically and mentally by the disorder. so what comes first, the depression, anxiety, feelings of worthlessness or powerlessness, etc? or the eating disorder that causes all those things?

sharp cheddar cheese slices - 200?

i swear that's not all... dammit. i just can't remember...

2600 total-ish? not as bad as i expected, but i still think i forgot some stuff...